Rewiring Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Real Stories, Real Shifts

 If you’ve been living with ADHD for a while, you’ve probably felt the sting of rejection sensitivity more times than you can count. It’s that gut-wrenching feeling that bubbles up, sometimes out of nowhere, making you question yourself and your worth.

For many people with ADHD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) isn’t just something they experience occasionally. It often feels like it’s running the whole show.

In one of my recent workshops, we unpacked this topic deeply, and honestly, the stories that came up were raw, real, and incredibly moving. I wanted to share some of those moments here because I know many of you will see yourselves in them.

How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Shapes Our Lives

So many of my ADHD coaching clients have said that RSD plays a much bigger role in their lives than they ever realised. One client summed it up perfectly by saying, “It’s everything. It’s behind everything I do.” Another admitted that they estimate around 95% of their decisions are influenced by RSD.

That’s not surprising either. ADHD expert Dr William Dodson has found that somewhere between 95% and 98% of people with ADHD say RSD is their most challenging trait to live with.

It’s something that often flies under the radar, but it deeply impacts how we think, feel, and behave in everyday life.

But here’s the good news. There is hope, and I’m living proof of that.

A Personal Story of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in Action

I’ll be honest with you, years ago, I wouldn’t have believed I’d be sharing this openly.

Back in my corporate days, I was working with the same group of colleagues I’d known for years. I only had to present a tiny finding; something that should’ve been simple and straightforward. But instead, I had a full-blown panic attack. I couldn’t make sense of it at the time, but now I know it was RSD at play.

Looking back, it makes complete sense. That experience stuck with me for a long time.

Yet here I am now, sitting in front of hundreds of people, running workshops and openly discussing RSD. It just goes to show that this isn’t something you’re stuck with forever. It can be worked through. You absolutely can rewire it with the right tools and support.

A Beautiful Example of Rewiring Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in Action

During this workshop, one of the participants shared an experience that really struck a chord.

Cat admitted that even while sitting in the session, they noticed their RSD kicking in. They received a private message from another participant, who thanked them for all their contributions but also mentioned they were feeling a little overwhelmed by all the information.

Instantly, Cat’s mind went into overdrive. They began wondering if they’d said too much or dominated the conversation. That wave of self-doubt came rushing in.

But here’s the magic part, Cat caught themselves. They paused, took a breath, and re-read the message. Through a fresh lens, they realised the message wasn’t negative at all. In fact, it was full of gratitude and appreciation.

The best part? Cat had that moment of clarity even before the other person sent another message clarifying their intentions.

This is exactly what happens when we start rewiring our responses. Cat’s story is such a great example of interrupting the automatic emotional reaction, pausing, and choosing to see things differently.

Raising Kids with ADHD: Why Sense of Self Matters Most

One of the participants, a parent, shared their concerns about their young daughter who’s starting school and showing signs of RSD.

This is something I hear from many parents, and it’s such a valid worry. School can be tough for kids with ADHD and RSD.

My advice to parents is simple, but powerful: focus on building your child’s sense of self above all else.

Validate their feelings. Let them know they are seen, heard, and understood. Phrases like, “That must be such a hard feeling” or “I can understand why you’d feel like that” go a long way.

The more we validate our children’s emotions, the more they learn that their feelings are real and acceptable. That internal sense of self becomes their anchor in the world. It’s what helps them grow into resilient adults who don’t need external validation to feel worthy.

Breaking Free from People Pleasing: A Gentle Approach

One question that came up during the session was from someone who had always relied on people pleasing to feel worthy. They asked how they could start building a sense of self when pleasing people had been their main coping mechanism for so long.

This is such a common struggle, and it’s a tricky one to unlearn. People pleasing gives us that immediate sense of relief or even a dopamine hit because we’re so used to getting our worth from others’ approval, or in many cases it protects our systems’ from going into fight or flight about how we may be perceived. But over time, it chips away at our self esteem and actually teaches our wiring that we’re not worthy enough to honour ourselves above others.

The key here is to start small:

1. Buy Yourself Time
   Instead of saying yes right away, try phrases like, “Let me get back to you on that,” or “I need to check my schedule first.” This gives you space to think about whether you’re saying yes from a genuine place or out of fear of upsetting someone. I remember when I started this work, my sister in law used to say “oh that doesn’t work for me, how about this”. I used to think oh that’s kind of strong (not justifying herself, who does that?!), very soon after I learnt to borrow her languaging…. “That doesn’t work for me” and move onto what does. PHEW. It wasn’t strong, it was clarifying and assertive - liberating!
   
2. Stop Over-Explaining
   It’s okay to say no without a long justification. You don’t need to provide a full list of reasons for every boundary. As with my sister in law who has always been beautiful at boundaries, start with a simple, “That doesn’t work for me,” and move into a different solution before anyone has a chance to consider what didn’t work. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier with practice.
   
3. Celebrate Every Small Win
   Each time you honour your own boundaries, no matter how small, take a moment to acknowledge it. These little wins add up and help you build a stronger sense of self (I have a client who rings a cowbell, oh yes)!
   

The process doesn’t have to be dramatic or confrontational. In fact, the most effective shifts often happen through small, consistent changes.

Risk Aversion, Creativity and RSD: How to Take Bold Steps Safely

Another really powerful point that came up was around risk aversion; many ADHDers feel paralysed when it comes to taking risks or putting their work out into the world. That fear of judgement or failure can stop us in our tracks.

This usually comes from past experiences of being criticised or rejected. It’s a protective mechanism that keeps us playing small.

One of the best ways to start shifting this is to take small, safe risks that stretch your comfort zone, but don’t push you into overwhelm.

You might:

• Share something privately with a trusted friend before sharing it publicly.
  
• Post something light-hearted online without worrying too much about the wording (and acknowledge how much it actually wasn’t a big deal once done)!.
  
• Present to a small group of friendlies before presenting to a larger audience.
  

Each time you take a small risk and survive it, your brain learns that it’s safe to be seen. Over time, this builds courage and strengthens your sense of self.

Small Steps to Shift Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

If there’s one message I hope you take away from this, it’s that you absolutely can rewire your RSD responses. As Dr. Dan Siegel explains in this video, “where you focus your attention grows.”

Many of us have been carrying these patterns for decades, so it’s only natural that it takes time to shift them. But every small step counts (1 small step a day is 365 steps a year!), and the changes you’ll experience are more than worth it.

You’ll feel lighter, more confident, and much more in control of your emotions. You’ll stop spending so much energy worrying about what others think, and instead, you’ll have that energy to focus on what truly matters to you.

This work is deeply personal, but it’s also incredibly empowering.

You’re not broken. You’re not destined to struggle forever. You are simply someone who’s learning to develop what hasn’t yet been developed and that’s something to be proud of.

Stay Connected and Keep Growing

If this blog resonated with you, keep an eye out for my upcoming workshops and resources. I’ll continue to share tools and insights to help you navigate ADHD and RSD with more confidence and self-compassion.

Together, we can keep doing this work, one small, meaningful step at a time.

FAQs About Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

How do I explain Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) to people who don’t understand it?

Ah, this one’s tricky! Most people who haven’t felt it just don’t get it. I often suggest keeping it simple. You could say something like, “RSD is when my brain goes into overdrive about rejection or criticism even if it’s not actually happening.” You can also explain it’s not just being ‘sensitive’; it’s a brain-based response that can feel overwhelming and instant. And if they’re really curious, you could share some trusted resources too.

Can ADHD coaching help with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?

Yes, absolutely! ADHD coaching can be a powerful way to work through RSD. A skilled ADHD coach can help you spot patterns, practice new tools, and build emotional resilience in a supportive space. Programs like Mastering RSD are also designed to specifically target these struggles, offering step-by-step guidance.

What makes Mastering Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) different from other approaches?

Mastering RSD is specifically designed to focus on the emotional patterns tied to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD); RSD doesn’t happen in the logical brain - it happens in the emotional body. It’s not just theory; it’s about actionable tools, emotional rewiring, and guided steps that you can actually use in daily life whether you’re working through RSD on your own or alongside ADHD coaching.

Does Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) affect relationships?

Oh, absolutely, it can show up everywhere, especially in relationships. Whether it’s friendships, family, or partners, RSD can sneak in and cause a lot of second-guessing, overthinking, or even withdrawing or defensiveness to avoid rejection. The key here is awareness; once you notice it happening, you can start to pause, reflect, and slowly shift those patterns, you can also talk honestly about it and wow that is liberating when we can get to that stage. 

Can kids experience Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) too?

Yes, 100%! In fact, many adults recognise their own RSD after seeing it in their kids. Children with ADHD often feel rejection just as deeply, sometimes even more so because they don’t have the words for it yet. The best thing you can do for a child is nurture their sense of self and validate their feelings. “I can see that really upset you” or “That must feel really hard”, those simple words go a long way in building their inner confidence.

What’s the link between people-pleasing and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?

Oh, they’re deeply connected! Many of us who’ve grown up with RSD naturally slide into people-pleasing. It’s like we’ve been trained to keep others happy to avoid rejection. But here’s the thing, it’s exhausting. Breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t easy, but it’s totally possible. It starts with tiny steps. Small actions slowly rebuild your sense of self.

Is it possible to overcome Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) without therapy?

Therapy can be wonderful, but it’s not the only way. Many people make incredible progress through coaching, self-awareness, mindfulness, and learning tools to rewire those old patterns. As I once heard Janina Fisher say (trauma expert) you don’t always have to go backwards to go forwards. The trick is going gently and consistently. It’s about unlearning old beliefs and proving to yourself bit by bit that you’re safe, worthy, and enough, even without constant approval from others.